Increasing Rapes!! Figuring possible solutions

In our society, the word ‘masculinity’ is associated with power, being brave and strong and being authoritative whereas ‘femininity’ is linked to caring and nurturing, having a low voice sacrificing and compromising. The qualities in male which make them masculine always denotes robust nature and neutral emotions. A popular example would be: Shrian, a 5 year old boy falls on his knees on the ground and cries. His mom in trying to console him says “Don’t cry Shrian, don’t cry like a girl”. He thinks crying makes him weak. The next time he falls down, he tries hard not to cry. He thinks less of girls at school and teases them.

Today, only being physically strong is not the definition of power, so why are feminine qualities being considered weaker in the society?  In the primitive days of mankind, it was beneficial to be huge, muscular and hardcore to thrive and lead, but now the one who is likely to lead is the one who is more creative, more innovative and more intelligent and there are no hormones for those attributes.

Women in Nepal are taught to be tolerant, compromising and adjusting for matters like domestic violence, abuse or rape. She is taught to suppress her own desires and interests over her family and in-laws.

In the present context, one of the main reasons for the rampant increase in women violence like brainwashing of children for marriage, dowry burning, witchcraft accusations, and discrimination in education and so on can be blamed to be the patriarchal society. Our society is structured in such a way that authoritarian roles and decision making power is carried out by only the males. Few women as political leaders, who can be named on our fingertips, shows us an example of this structure.

With gender based beliefs already prevalent in our society, the patriarchal society is the fire that normalizes women violence. According to CBS 2011, the literacy rate of Nepal is 65.9%, among which the literacy rate in male is 75.1% in comparison to 57.4% in females. Though patriarchy is a highlighted factor for women violence, it cannot be alone. Ignorance of VAW (Violence Against Women) laws , lack of implementation of stringent laws, loopholes in justice system at local, regional and national levels, no system for monitoring of clients’ situations can be some factors for VAW.     

Narrowing down the cases of women violence to today, we can see increasing trend of rapes, cases where infants and girl child are being raped makes the headlines of the news almost everyday.

According to Nepal Police, 1480 registered rape cases were reported in 2017/2018 which when compared to the last year 1131 (Himalayan Times Aug 17, 2018) has increased by 30.86%.  If this pace does not subside these figures are likely only to rise by next year until we really take a deep look into these matters.

To take these matters forward a social worker should be introduced to the problem. A social worker can take a holistic approach to reduce the causes of such horrendous acts because only stringent laws and raising voice on the streets have not been enough. There are plethora of cases for research purposes to evaluate the possible causes and effects of these crimes. Experts should be hired to perform high levels of professional work.

According to one the best seller Dale Carnegie’s book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People?’, the criminals rarely consider themselves as criminals no matter the nature of their crimes and will have some explanation as to why they are innocent. The same must be the case for people committing rapes in Nepal as well. A study on criminal psychology backs this argument by explaining about the ‘techniques of neutralization’ (A report by Nick Chester on Vice)

Here, the psychologists play a major role in collecting data. They can interview the victims and the culprits when these individuals’ psychological state is normal or not altered so that the research work is authentic. With psychologists interviewing and surveying various individuals more data can be produced for the researchers, researchers can speculate and infer a general set of causes by evaluating behavioral patterns. So, these professional personnel working towards common goals like finding the causes of heartbreaking crimes like rape will bring forth better chances to analyze the major causes and help reduce them.

Similarly, psychologists can also work with social workers to determine the effects of these events on various individuals and groups such as victims, victim’s family, culprits and their families, neighbors and public. In research works like these, they can work as a facilitator to make the victims aware of the benefits of such research works being carried and a moderator by sharing information about victims and events to psychologists to schedule interviews and surveys accordingly.

The social workers can collaborate with the influencers in entertainment industry to educate about the causes and consequences that rapes are having on various groups of people and in our society. Educational message through songs, movies and videos can spread far more effectively and widely than only through awareness programs by social workers at certain places. Influencers, who raise voices and those who get involved in the upliftment and empowerment from the related campaigns and causes, are selected as role models. It will help to influence not only people in the short-run but in long-run as well.

A trending topic in news channels, newspapers and magazines to feeds by social media sites has also click-baited the topic of increasing rapes for discussion. This pours in people wanting to question of the causes of the skyrocketing number of rapes in their society.

It opens two way conversation platforms for figuring possible reasons and implications it has on victims, families, and the society. Thus, there is an urge to recognize patterns and prevent the future courses of events.

Given the current circumstances and its unfolding series of events, we can deduce that individuals in our nation are not oblivious to sufferings of harassment and abuse they’ve endured. Yet in a country where global movements like #MeToo, #HearMetoo should be in highlight, they are a non-starter. It is bound to dim its light under the burning #RageAgainstRape.

Although rape cases has been gaining new altitudes & been in much hype the past couple months, they still have become uncontrollable wildfires. Nirmala’s case still getting no justice yet, has startled the nation and adds fuel to the flame. Thus, it is high time that a raging problem like rape to be taken seriously not only with fierce actions but through deep introspection towards resolvement.

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Beauty

What is beauty to you? Beauty is defined sharply in our society in terms of fairness, hair, eyes, facial structure and body shape. All of these are framed by years of ideal body on magazine covers, advertisements, movies and social media.

Does layers of makeup (little to more) give a perfect look close to what’s deemed to be beautiful? Does going all natural make you look healthier & flawless? Does bigger eyes, shiny skin & hair make one more beautiful? Why is only the physical appearance considered to define beauty of a woman? In addition, a certain type of look in a woman that’s more appealing.

A woman should be two things what she wants and who she wants to be. She is not to be judged if she is comfortable wearing many layers of makeup and likes to dress up accordingly or even if she seems like she does not have a high regard for how she wants to look. We have different lives and different are our priorities.

laydown

Your best body is when you can perform your best and be the healthiest with full belly. It’s when you feel the strongest and courageous perfecting your priorities and fulfilling your desires. 

If you don’t think that’s true hear from the supermodel Cameroon Russel giving a ted talk. 

The belief of attaining a slimmer or skinnier body is an unhealthy obsession. You should know that no two bodies are the same. So no, my slim body and your slim body are not equals. Don’t compare.

If only aesthetics defined beauty women had to be put in beauty schools only to survive. Only we can say what beauty means to us. Redefine it if you don’t like it.

Who are you?  Looks don’t define you. You do. 

she has dreams to be an envy

so she’s starving

you know cover girls eat nothing

She says”Beauty is pain and there’s beauty in everything

What’s a little bit of hunger

I can go a little while longer” , She fades away.

 

 

And you don’t have to change a thing the world can change its heart

No scars to your beautiful

We’re Stars and we’re Beautiful..

 

#redefine_what_beauty_is_to_you

What are your ideas on beauty? You can tell me on sanoprayas1@gmail.com or ping me at  my facebook page: Sano Prayas

 

You and your DNA

A conversation you might know

A woman says, ” I am in the borderline of being diabetic. My father has it, So, by heredity it transfers”

Everyone nods. Except a woman who interrupts by saying “Yes, but it also depends on your healthy lifestyle. If you are burning fat with some exercise, you will not get diabetes and will live healthy. “

The woman responds, “Ya, probably. Well, I do think of going on morning walk but when I see the dim sun opening one eye, I am better off in my bed” She giggles and others join in.

The woman couldn’t care less about it. She sees how this other woman is enjoying performing her routine in front of her friends.

This type of conversation between adults are common in our society which signifies the lack of knowledge of our part as humans playing a part to take control of our own bodies.

Conventional Thinking to Now

Conventional thought has it that heredity diseases transfers from parents to offspring but is it necessary that it always transfers. The answer is ‘No’.

Though we can’t control what genes to transfer from our parents, we can definitely control how our body reacts to them.

According to researchers Geeta Rai says that we know that the genes that make up our DNA does not have to be what we are.

We must have generalized that one of the factors affecting our body is the environment.  Any great leader (be it Marisa PeerMel Robbins or Lisa Nichols )will not deny that you are the sum of what you believe.

The Environment you make

What you perceive from your environment everyday makes up your thoughts and your thoughts combine to form your beliefs. Much of what you put in as inputs for the mind is what you will start believing.

Psychology tells us that our genes have to be stimulated in order to function in a certain way.  The stimulants in the environment help these genes to turn ON or OFF. The process where the operation of certain genes is turned on or off is called epigenetic processes. (Bransome, N. R. Social Psychology – 14th edition)

This is great news for the ones who live in fear that their heredity will follow them.

This breaks the stigma of our society that heredity characteristics or genes are unavoidable.

Taking Charge

We can be clear that we will always not be a product of our parents or grandparents. So, we should learn to take in what we intend to be.

Our good habits (exercising, meditating, reading books, sleeping on time and so on) never go to waste. They takes us a step closer to the person we seek to be.

I don’t deny

Now, you may tell me that are exceptions to it as there are people who have down syndrome, autism, ADHD, schizophrenia, skin conditions. Yes, there are but aren’t we blessed to not be those few percent who can’t change their life patterns by changing certain routines in their life.

What to believe

Truth is what we believe in and we can choose what and how to perceive from the environment we surround us. Belief should be always backed by action so that they become powerful and unshakable truths of your.  It becomes like the experiment statement that is backed by application and evidence. Actions become your evidence. 

YES!

We can marvel because we can control our own bodies and ourselves through our own desires and choices. Yes, more is in your control only if you step up to take charge of it you will you know it.

 

 

Imperfectly Perfect

A young girl say to her mother “My fingers are tiny and fat like yours mom. I feel like hiding them”

I kept any words I wanted to tell

because that was me before, which rang a bell

that’s how she is made to feel imperfect with her body.

Now, you gave one more reason to hide when you find more reasons to hide your own.


My Whole Poem has been published here.

Imperfectly Perfect

 

You can comment and share if you like and want to show some Girl love.. 🙂

Body  is a serious issue and we need to stop and start accepting our own bodies the way it is. We need to stop making remarks on her hands, skin, lips or hips.

Healthy body is the one with a healthy mind. You sure can question yourself if you feel healthy in your body.

Women can also be responsible for body-shaming each other when we need to be supporting and helping each other out.

Do you think you can be smart by degrading your sister or your own mother?

You need to stand tall and stand together and you will grow.

 

This is only a piece of the poem but i have now published whole of it…. 🙂

Overcoming Fear

fear

What Should we know about Fear?

Overcoming fear is a choice. Our minds will always try to amplify our fears and feed us with the worst case scenarios which is highly unlikely to happen. We fear because our fear will be feeding on our beliefs of it.

Our Usual Response

An easy way out is just to avoid it and turn down the possibilities of our fear even getting to us. We may come up with a ton of excuses as to why we should let go this time or why we are not good enough to show up to face things and team up with fear.

What are we running from?

We are afraid and what we’re afraid of is the unknown.  The unknown is scary because we may know so little about what we have to face. We don’t know what we don’t know and that’s even scarier. So, there is a high chance that we will be scared without even knowing or trying what we were scared of.

GO for it anyway

What if you dive in despite the fact that waters of fears seem deep? What if you dare to do it anyway? If overcoming your fears is courage, then what if you decide to choose against all that seems fearful.

The Aftermath of Risk taken

Once you’ve faced your fears daring greatly, you will look back and see that your path of silencing those inner demons was all worth it. The journey becomes more beautiful than the destination itself because how you got there made you feel alive be it only for a while.

You are free because you could shift your focus from being absent and uncertain to being present and living with an adrenaline rush. At last, you know that your fear was mostly in your mind and it was only asking for your full attention.

Do you plan on playing full out or being trapped within your mind?

Hit me up at sanoprayas1@gmail.com or my Facebook Page: Sano Prayas

 

You Belong

Before you dedicate yourself to this day, sneak your way into taking a diversion traveling awake before your day even starts. See all your curves & bluntness, embracing all the imperfections.

Before you become someone’s (daughter, sister, mother, wife or girlfriend) be your own as you deserve yourself first.

Though you have grown once again be that little girl you desire. In that cute outfit of yours jump, skip and hop a little like a lady-bud roaming around in the morning.

Light as a feather as you may feel, so sing along the melody carefree of the passing time. While you tap your feet to the beat you love, you are reckless of who sees owning the moment flowing into the space of only ‘You’.

This ‘Me Time’ takes you to the garden of being only you. Let your aura pass through every matter and let them know that YOU ARE HERE!

As the most deserving candidate to being your own Brand Ambassador decorate your garden as you please but know its appealing only with your presence.

You can explore, discover or be a total bad-ass if you say so.

Your creation will constantly ask you to come back once more. It patiently awaits for its flowers and fruits to be plucked for it has seen you grow, it’s been witnessing your mystical energy flow, awestruck at the occasional sparks and fires you throw. Thus, the eagerness to be the benefactor.

A butterfly lost it’s fragility in these flames. Now, as you step out to lead the day, wouldn’t your loved ones love, respect and value you more? And guess who sees an infinite universe within you?


We think of being healthy and exercising as extra time taken out of our day, but it is actually time taken for yourself.

It is ‘Me Time’ to know your body and yourself. Getting to know limitations and your strengths is a gorgeous and commendable journey.

If you don’t have time to take care of yourself how can you expect any person be it your family or friends to have time for you?

I hope you reconsider what you give time for.

I would love to hear from you at sanoprayas1@gmail.com or through message on my Facebook Page: Sano Prayas

To The Girl I Told To Cut Her Armpit Hair

I did not want to insult you but you felt it

You hesitated, i saw it in your face

you were just being comfortable in your innocence and grace

 

I made you so concerned and insecure about your own hair

well I said it because its more acceptable & attractive, that’s how i knew. This built tension in air

Now, I know better, you are the gardener. Wear it, shape it or skin it, I should not care.

 

I hope you dare to reply mouths like mine

And make them think a second time before they decide to poke their noses in others line.

 

You should see actresses flaunting it on red carpets, all powerful and proud.

You can rock it anyway you like girl and decide to be loud.